Author

Thomas Wiest

CEO, Aspirience Home Care

I was talking with some friends of ours the other day. They have both have flourishing professional careers, been married 25 plus years, etc. Life should be their oyster. It is not.

They are desperately trying to sort out the lives of their parents, all four of whom are well into their 80s. One parent has cancer and is trying to persuade his wife they should move into an assisted-care facility to set her up for when he dies. Another frail parent has dementia and his wife will not allow any help from “strangers” in her home.

Such is the case of millions of Baby Boomers across the country, grappling with getting the best care possible for elderly parents. The stress for all concerned is enormous, especially as it relates to issues of independence. This so called “Me” generation is shouldering the burden for the elderly just as they themselves are heading toward older age.

One of the biggest problems in such situations is communication between the kids and the parents. Many Boomers feel stuck as the perpetual “child,” unable to talk with their parents as peers, unable to solve critical problems affecting their aging loved ones.

Researchers have recently coined the phrase “the 40/70 rule,” meaning that, if you’re 40 or your parents are 70, it’s time to start talking about sensitive topics such as this.

Many Boomers, many of them well-educated professionals, still feel like they’re stuck in the child role and they don’t know how to get out of it. It can be a tough discussion talking with your parents about thorny independence issues such as getting help in the home with daily living activities, as well as financial matters, stopping from driving their care and personal hygiene.

Other leading roadblocks to communication were: the senior parent refusing to talk; the adult child feeling unprepared; fear on the part of the adult child; the continuation of the parent-child roles; physical issues; and distance.

Successful communication happens when it’s on a “peer-to-peer basis,” not when one person in the relationship insists on playing the parent role. Sometimes it’s the child trying to be the parent. I think the “Me” generation has gotten a bad rap as a generation that thinks only about itself.

Ultimately, adult children do want to help their parents. The first step is to recognize what role you have, peer to peer or as a child. I’ve been through this with my parents and we can help you with yours.

Author

Thomas Wiest

CEO, Aspirience Home Care

Here’s an alarming fact I read: U.S. House members spent $20.3 million in tax money last year to send constituents what’s often the government equivalent of junk mail: meeting announcements, tips on car care, sideline business offerings, committee interviews, surveys on public policy and just plain bragging.

Can you believe that? $20 million dollars!

They sent nearly 116 million pieces of mail in all, many of them glossy productions filled with flattering photos, lists of the latest roads and bridges the lawmaker has brought home to the district and yes…tips on car care. Tips on car care?? I can get that from the channel 5 news in the morning when they update traffic.

A dozen House members spent more than $133,000 each to send 9.8 million pieces of mass mailings. Total cost on that? $1.8 million.

Of the 64 House members with at least $100,000 in taxpayer-funded mailing expenses, 42 were Republicans and 22 were Democrats. Not that it matters, this priviledge was abused either way you look at it.

In sharp contrast, 59 lawmakers, 35 Republicans and 24 Democrats, spent nothing on mass mailings. They tended to be the more experienced House members.

Here’s the Minnesota connection:

A former House representative spent $152,000 in taxpayer funded mailings last year, more than any other House member from Minnesota and 13^th of all House members in mailing expenses.

Here’s another Minnesota connection:

• $20 million will fund at least a half dozen nursing homes in the state for a year;
• It will fund home care for almost 750 clients in the state for a year;
• Lastly, the 45 smallest non-profit organizations in the state don’t even have budgets or income large enough to equate $20 million each.

With health care reform almost being forced upon us and no end in sight for more changes inevitably coming, even $20 million would go a long ways.

Author

Thomas Wiest

CEO, Aspirience Home Care

It’s that time of year again when we all try to make a New Years Resolution. With the beginning of a new year, you get a fresh start, a blank page, a clean slate, a new beginning, whatever you might call it, it’s time to look at what your New Year’s resolution(s) might be.

First though, we should reflect upon last year and what we did do in 2007. Did the New Year’s resolutions you made for 2007 come true? Did you get accomplished everything you wanted to? Many of us can say, hardly, because it’s so tough to plan for next week, let alone next year.

As we embark on that new beginning the next step is to come up with some ideas. That might be the challenging part. It’s tough to know where you want to go if you’re sure what is possible.

Well, if you’re stuck for ideas take a look at this top ten list with some ideas I compiled from several surveys:

1. Spend more time with friends and family. Try sitting down together for a family meal one day a week. Leave the TV off and talk instead.

2. Get fit. You don’t need to join a gym to get fit. Skip the elevator and walk up the stairs instead.

3. Loose weight. Change your diet gradually, don’t give up everything you love straight away. Just make a small change every week.

4. Quit smoking. Get help, don’t do it on your own. Ask your friends and family for support.

5. Enjoy life more. Start taking in the good things…go for a walk with a family member and listen to nature’s sounds and view the scenery.

6. Quit Drinking. Don’t put yourself in situations you’ll find difficult. Same as quitting smoking, ask friends and family for support.

7. Get out of debt. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Get professional help if needed.

8. Learn something new. Try something new you’ve always wanted to do. I personally learned to snow ski last year and took more lessons this year. Ask a friend to come too.

9. Help others. Visit elderly neighbors or relatives who might be lonely for a chat. Sometimes just talking with someone brightens their day.

10.Get organized. Get a diary and start using it. Write down when important dates are or when bills are due. Prioritize tasks into smaller workable tasks so the job gets done better and faster.

In reviewing this list, if you do one resolution, it inevitably bleeds over into another resolution. Like spending more time with friends and family(#1 above), has hints of enjoying life more (#5 above) and helping others (#9 above). It appears to be a win/win deal.

Hopefully, this list will give some ideas of how to set successful resolutions for the new year.